When we are parents, we necessarily want the best for our children. The best for the future, but also the best for the present. We want them to grow up in peace, to live their childhood lives. But above all, what we want more than anything is not to hurt them.

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Unfortunately, it is complicated, if not impossible to prevent a monster from preying on a child, complicated to prevent bullying at school, racketeering, violence. Above all, the hold of the aggressors is sometimes such that it is often impossible for the child to verbalize the harm done to him.

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My brother was raping me and I hoped more than anything for an outstretched hand to get me out of his clutches. But I was unable to call for help. I was trying to send little signs for someone to understand that something was going on… No one ever understood. Sometimes the unconscious takes care of sending signals. Do we know how to recognize them?

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Unfortunately, there isn't a fixed, perfectly defined catalog of signs that children can make to alert us. Especially since, depending on the age, the markers are different. And, when we notice them, we attribute them to something else: It surely comes from adolescence. Or, we say to ourselves that it is our divorce that is bothering them ... In short, there is always a reason for it to be something else. For my mother, I had to brood a sore throat, a cold. I certainly had the longest cold in history.

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More seriously, I, who was cheerful and sociable, began to withdraw, to isolate myself. More generally, any sudden change in their behavior, in their attitudes, their notes, their patience, any change must question us. Other signals should alert us: anxiety and shame, loss of self-confidence, refusal to change clothes or wash (the reverse, compulsive cleanliness, is also a sign). The relationship to his body is a message. Mine made me ashamed and put me in a swimsuit, for the swimming lessons with the others… absolutely unthinkable!

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There is also sometimes a kind of escape in regressive behavior, as if to become a little child again and no longer be a victim. Even in a familiar environment, the child will not feel safe. It will always be on alert, will jump at the slightest abnormal noise. All attention-grabbing behaviors must really… grab attention. Lying to be interested in them, eating less, fighting often. And, in a more excessive way: smoking very young, self-injuring, skipping classes, drinking a lot and sometimes until an alcoholic coma ...

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Basically I don't think there are difficult kids. For me, there are only children who live in difficult situations and who try, in their own way, and without having the strength to say it, to make us understand that something is wrong. Let’s not be blinded by preconceived ideas. Always consider the worst. Let us accept that they can be victims. Let us extend the hand to them which they are no doubt waiting for, since they send these signs.

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But, I know: the balance is fragile. Because we must also let them live their lives as children, adolescents. Respect their time. Let us help them to (re) build themselves. This is ultimately our entire role summed up!